Calm Christmas

If you’re a parent or carer, December doesn’t just mean end-of-year work pressure. It also means school events, presents, sugar highs, travel plans, family expectations and wildly disrupted routines.

It’s a perfect recipe for everyone’s nervous systems to run hotter than usual.

But one concept makes festive stress easier to manage for both adults and children – co-regulation.

Children don’t have the learned skill of down-regulating their own nervous system yet, so they plug into yours. They feel the way you feel.

It’s the missing skill most parents were never taught and it matters more in December than almost any other month.

Why Co-Regulation Matters During Christmas…

Kids don’t self-regulate in the way adults expect. They borrow your emotional state first, then learn to stabilise their own.

When you’re rushed, tense, or overloaded, children sense it instantly.

When you slow down, breathe deeply, or shift your tone, they settle quicker too.

This isn’t about being perfectly calm. It’s about understanding that the atmosphere you create. Your tempo, movement, voice, body-language and breathing sets the baseline in the home.

During the Christmas period, when routines are up the chimney and there’s stimulation everywhere, this becomes your most powerful tool.

Use tone as a 'regulator', not a 'reaction'.

Your voice is one of your strongest co-regulation signals.

Children hear tone before they process words. Try switching to:

- Slower pace and longer pauses

- Lower pitch instantly signals safety

- Lower volume. Soft voices soften reactions

You’ll notice that a calm tone often reduces a meltdown before the meltdown really starts.

Regulate your own breath first.

Before you respond, take one short inhale… and make the exhale slightly longer.

Try 2 seconds in, 4 seconds out.

This simple ratio tells your nervous system that you’re safe.

Kids feel it.

Try it before:

- Saying no

- Transitioning between activities

- Heading into busy environments

- Handling conflict between siblings

It’s a micro-reset that steadies two nervous systems at once.

Empathise with their state, then lead them out.

If a child is overwhelmed, jumping straight to “calm down” rarely works.

Instead:

1. Match their intensity with empathy (“This is a lot, isn’t it?”).

2. Soften your voice, posture, and movements.

3. Lead them towards a slower rhythm (“Let’s sit for 20 seconds together.”).

This is co-regulation in action.

Create an “anchor routine”.

Christmas disrupt everything. Bedtimes, meals, attention spans, screen limits.

Rather than trying to control every variable, choose one non-negotiable daily anchor like...

• A short morning walk

• Pre-bed quiet time

• A shared hot chocolate and chat

• A 10-minute room reset

• A “no rush” breakfast window

Anchors give kids a predictable moment of stability. Predictability lowers stress.

Repair fast when you snap (because everyone does)

Co-regulation isn’t about never losing your patience. It’s about repairing quickly after you do.

• “I was stressed and my voice got too loud. That’s not your fault. I’m going to try again.”

Repair build trust, emotional safety and the ability to regulate themselves as they grow.

When you regulate yourself, your child’s behaviour often improves. Not because they’re “behaving better”, but because they feel safer.

The holidays don’t have to be calm all the time. They just need moments where the nervous systems in the house synchronise, slow down, and reset.